Zdrastwujtie Equestria!
by Variss
Summary: In few words. I didn't found any HiE story, involving human as pony from beginning. Especially a human, who doesn't act like a typical brony xP. It's a story about young Ivan,a Russian who ... need to learn, how to live and survive in new world.
1. Zdrastwujtie World!

Pain. Blurry, confused mind. And darkness. Well, with eyes closed, it's quite obvious to not clearly see anything. When he finally opened them, he had to first used to bright light. Strong scent of grass was almost irritating, even attacking his senses. Probably it wasn't normal with so unusual surroundings, especially for him. Speaking of which, he had to check where he was exactly, also if it's everything al right with him. It was his last favourite thing, to be left naked, somewhere in the woods, after some unpleasant time. At least, for him. As his people were saying „keep your shit together". He had to finally get up and check the things, mentioned before. Hands first, too lay them against the ground, so he could raise himself. But something wasn't right. He didn't feel fingers against the ground. Two flat ends of his limbs just hitted the ground with rather dull sound. Eyes of male lowered a little, to see what happened. He got amputated or something. This was too confusing. He had to realize what is going on, or he will end with heart attack or some sort of mental illness. Another sound. Water? Yes, he was clearly seeing it. Fighting with pain in his legs, he finally got up, if it could be described in way. Even if he had to crawl, he must see everything, even if it was so painful to see. Surprisingly, that „crawling" wasn't bad at all, like he was born to walk on four limbs. After few short seconds, male looked at reflection in the lake. He gasped in confusion. Then he looked again. Face was ridiculously longer than usual, hair was rather strange. Still in some sort of military fashion, but little longer than it should be. It was clearly him, but being also a...horse?

Many long minutes had passes, when he was trying to look at every inch of his new body. He wasn't strong build-up, kinda short for a horse. A pony? He chuckled to himself. Right, he was a new character of My Little Pony, show which he hated very much. Even if it's hard to hate something, which you watched only for some minutes. After that, his eyes widened in fear. No, not only because he wasn't a human any more. He feared, that he maybe was right. Bright colours of surroundings. Odd colour of his body for a pony, he was red like a communist star. But...he was alone. Maybe it was a dream? Male, or rather stallion, returned to checking his newest body.

Um...what are you doing? - a voice? High-pitched, confusing and irritating. And how it was possible, that he didn't realized, that he is being observed? Stallion raised his eyes at direction of silly voice. Pink mare. With wings? That was an answer to his previous question. He knew what pegasus is. But he remembered them as proud stallions. Not silly looking...thing.

Um...zdrastwujtie... - he replied carefully to her. Then he realized, that he should speak in her language. Why English? Bah!

What did you say? I don't understand... - mare was staring at him, very confused, but also curious. Like she met a very interesting, new friend to play with.

I..I'm sorry. Good morning. I...I'm Ivan... - he wasn't sure if saying name to potential enemy was right. But truly he should be afraid of that purple pony?

Morning? It's almost sunset. And I'm Lara. Where's your cutie marks?

Right. He was so surprised by this new, strange situation, that he forgot to check, what time is it. Even if he didn't have his watch or cellphone even. Then he narrowed his eyes. What she did say?

Um...cutie...what? - that was just too much for him.

Cutie marks! Look! - she stood next to him, so he could see her side. He saw a symbol of watering can. What the heck?

Um...and what is it for...? - again, he was certainly sure, that he asked wrong question.

What for? Come on...it's states our talent. I someday realized, that I'll be a wonderful gardener. And I'm. Even if I'm pegasus.

Right... - he sighed softly.

They were looking at each other in awkward silence. Ivan wasn't sure if to ask for any help or not. Lara wanted to do something to cheer him up, even if he was a blank flank.

Where is your home, anyway? And what happened with your hair? It's so strangely...trimmed. Like a hedge or something – Lara giggled at her own joke.

Ivan growled softly. It was that funny to her. He was a proud male. Or stallion rather. But answering to her questions were more important. He can't be so suspicious. Too dangerous. Lie about his homeland? Or maybe tell the truth? Yeah, great idea. "Oh hai. I was a human, now I'm a pony. I'll eat you all!". But answer could be very simple.

I...I don't know. I don't remember. I just woke here, remembering only my name and that strange language... - he sighed, hoping that will work. He even tried to looked at her sadly.

Lara lowered her eyes. She felt very sorry for him. Being a "blank flank" could be miserable enough. No home, no friends, no family.

I'll take you to Ponyville! - she said with wide smile. There should be somepony who will help him, after all.

"Yeah. And you'll treat me like a circus freak". At first he liked the idea, but there must be some other way. Also, was starting to getting dark. He need to build a shelter. With hooves?

Just show me where it is. I need no help.

But...

I'm fine! - he yelled. He felt so much anger. Being so...cute. Not a male...a wuss. Something, which shouldn't be even existed.

I...I... - she was feared by that strange pony. But she sighed, being sure that she can't do nothing more. Pegasus pointed a direction – there. But you really need help. And some friends. Sadly, you don't want one...

When she sighed for another time, quickly raised her wings, to get into the air and fly to her home, probably. Time was running out for young Ivan. Stallion. An ex-human as he described himself in his mind.

Ex-human? No! He had to find someone who could help him and go back on Earth. He wasn't a wuss. Rather a warrior. He knew how to fight, how to hurt and protect people. But for now, he needed some help. After some minutes of lonely walking at pointed direction by pegasus, he reched a nearest town. Small, but it wasn't a problem for him. Problem was...ponies were preparing for rest, most likely. Closed shops, empty streets. He realized, that he will be without shelter for this night. Unless he will beg some random pony. Ivan reached large tree, changed into a house. He peeked into window. So many books. No. Only books. A library? He wanted to deal his problem with actions, not sitting with head covered by literature. Sword is more powerful than quill. After loud sigh, he continued his journey, being more and more exhausted.

Any images were haunting his mind. His friends. Family. Adventures. Or just normal, interesting life. And also his last night. Nothing unusual, really. Just taking few drinks, then going to sleep in his bed. He was now going with eyes almost closed, trying to focus, where he was going exactly. After loud and long yawning, he felt strong pain on his head. Stallion just hit the near apple tree. Some of fruits just fall down. "Focus Ivan, focus!" he shaked his head and finally found a solution. A barn! He slept in similar one, when he was a kid. But now, he needed some rest, badly. He opened it and fall down inside of it, too tired to find better place. After long, loud breathing, he finally found some dream and rest. For now.


	2. Chapter 2

Light. Must go towards the light. Even in bright explosion, he could see his friends, waving at him. His best friend had large a cup of vodka in one hand, also a sausage in other hand. But something wasn't right. When he tried to reach for drink, everything stopped. Friend smirked at him and poured drink on his head. "What the-" he shaken his head. Previous images disappeared, now he saw blurry figure of another pony.

Wake up! What are ya doing here, huh? - Ivan noticed, that unfamiliar voice was sounding angry. Ivan noticed a mare. "Great, another mare", he thought. This one was orange with long, blond mane, staying next to empty bucket. Three apples on flank? She's good on eating them or anything like that?

While he was trying to stand up, was also quite sure why she acted like that. Blank flanked stallion, with strangely trimmed, black mane. Black tail was hanging on his back, luckily looking very normal, for local standards. Ivan decided to be calm and nice for her, at least for now. She had advantage after all.

I'll not cause any harm, miss... - "yet" he thought automatically – I'm Ivan and...nice to meet you...?

He wasn't that sure any more about that pleasant meeting. Expression of her muzzle was telling anything, but the enjoyment. After few seconds of staring at each other, started to look rather curious and careful, instead of being so furious.

You're a spy? Want to know our recipe of cinder? Pies? Tell ya what. Ah will treat you better, if ya will spill the beans.

She woke up in bad mood? But it wasn't important to Ivan. Maybe he wasn't nice guy in whole live, but spying, betraying and other filthy moves were not his business. On the other hand, or hoof, she could provide him place to stay, food even. But insult is an insult. A dishonour to him. In addition, he couldn't told the truth. She will not believe a story about human, who somehow changed into pony.

Back off, lady. Just needed place to stay for a night, that all. Go back to your apples... - Ivan replied, slowly going to the exit from the barn. He narrowed his eyes, trying to get used to bright light. There goes opportunity to stay in farm. And possibility of job. Farm was huge. But full of apple trees only? That was strange. Orange pony suddenly appeared, yelling at someone at a distance. Large stallion, even taller and probably stronger than him. How to fight as a pony? With hooves, head or both? He couldn't wait for their reactions, so he started to run away, like a coward. It wasn't like him.

Reddish stallion quickly appeared before mare, curiously looking at the running, uninvited quest.

What's wrong AJ? He stole something? But not your kiss, huh?

Mare, called AJ blushed heavily, feeling angry on her older brother. "Spy" was getting away, lengthening the distance with every second.

Ah...Ah sure that he was spying on us. And... - mare wasn't that sure any more. Spying in barn? She was too hotheaded sometimes. But still was something strange and unusual about that stallion – Never mind. Will ya keep eye on him? Something isn't right. Ah sense it...

Eeyup... - brother replied. Everypony should be careful with strangers, but not too much. Like it was many days ego with local zebra, Zecora.

Ivan was running like never before. Maybe he got talent in it, but he had to lose furious stallion out of his back. He looked over, nothing. He won, for now. Ivan laughed to himself, that was easy. Like other stallion wasn't running at all. Brilliant. Automatically, he lowered his eyes with curiosity at his own flank. As talented runner, it could be easier to fit in, at least for while. But after few seconds...nothing. Maybe it wasn't too good talent for him? Yes, that was probably right. His cogitation was suddenly interrupted by long and loud rumbling in his stomach. Well, that was just a start of the new day, so he could do much more research in town, than yesterday.

This time, Ponyville was full of citizens. He was more than sure, that he will bring too many attention. But hiding forever wasn't a solution. Maybe ponies weren't staring at flanks all the time, but his unusual haircut would, most likely. From hair to blank flank, from blank flank to fast conclusions, not safe for him. "Here goes nothing" he thought to himself, entering more crowded parts of Ponyville. He went past through first pony. Then second. Third and forth. Nothing. It was that easy? Then he thumped his own forehead with his hoof. Silly Ivan. You can't believe every girl you meet, obviously they're overreacting. He look fine, probably he isn't first pony without cutie marks, with unusual haircut. Stallion chuckled to himself, then quickly changing it to laughter, short, but loud. Not a second has passed and he was observed by dozens of pony eyes.

Oh, who are you? - nearest mare touched his flanks, admiring every part of his body.

Where are yours cutie marks?

Are you from the forest?

You're with Zecora? - that last question made many mares giggle for a while.

Ivan wasn't paying attention any more. Even if he wanted try to answer for those silly questions, he obviously couldn't. But he raised one hoof, needing some attention. In silence.

Ladies. Friends. I' just a visitor from far away, looking for something to put on the roast, if you know what I'm saying... - Ivan was sure, those ponies weren't have any clue. He sighed loudly – just need some food! Jeez!

Ponies gasped, terrified. Stallion was unsure with every minute. If louder voice was a crime, what with other, serious misbehaviours?

How rude. Maybe in where you come from, but here we're treat anypony with respect. Especially a lady like me. Um..us... - this time, was saying a pony with horn and three diamonds on her flank. Great, how many species are here? Maybe with wings and horn together?

Ivan tried to start talking about finding some good place with food, but suddenly sniffed out some bakery, sweet goods. They weren't so far away from a 'palace of sweets' as he could describe it. He shaken his own head. No, his diet is meat and good, strong drinks. But rumbling stomach was just too annoying.

Yeah, yeah. My bad. Ladies rules, stallions drools. Now excuse me, I have some shop to clean...

You're shop cleaner? Figures, from your filthy behaviour... - fancy mare replied, more giggles of other ponies could heard.

Ivan sighed loudly, rolling his eyes. After that, he tried to get to the bakery quite fast, without being observed all the time. But that was obviously not that easy.

I'm still talking to you, mister! - 'diamond' pony was more annoying than himself.

Too bad, I'm ignoring you right now.

What? No pony is ignoring me, Rarity.

Someone must be the first.

Maybe you could be a gentelpony from time to time?

Or maybe you could stop be a bitchpony from time to time? - Ivan sighed heavily again. He heard loud gasps and awkward slicenceafter that. But only for few, short moment. When he raised his eyes, he saw angry...no, not angry...furious mare. Probably more dangerous than a bear, at least in Russia.

No...pony...is...treating...me...like..THAT! - she growled, her horn start to glowing with soft light. Ivan couldn't do anything, he was just staring at her, curious and feared in same time. Silky napkin angrily smacked his muzzle for three times. That's it?

Wow...that hurts. Goodbye cruel world – he yawned, then suddenly grasped flying napkin with his teeth. Ivan lowered his head, so he could help with his hoof, with tearing apart Rarity's piece of cloth.

Ponies weren't even gasping. They were just staying on their hooves, in deep, heavy silence. It was too dangerous to talk near furious Rarity or that strange stallion. They could observe nervous ticks on Rarity's eye, when she was trying to realize, what just happened.

Now excuse me, for last time. I'm going to eat. - but after few steps, he heard another words. Beautiful, he will starve here to death.

You..are...not...going...NOWHERE!

Great. There goes breakfast... - he remembered from last time, that he can't just wait and see what will happen. You angered hotheaded woman, you run, never hide. She will find you. Beating woman wasn't just right. If it was possible.

Ivan was running, again, with all strength in his four legs. He wasn't sure where to run. Except one, far away from that crazy lady. When he last checked, pony named Rarity, was the only one who was chasing him. At least that. After many feet of distance (or miles even?) he tried to hide in nearest bush. He took few deep breaths and tried to look around him. Some garden, many tall hedges, statues made of flora. Ivan noticed a pegasus, who was finishing last details of tall pony's muzzle, with raised hoof.

Lara?

Young gardener tried to find a pony, who mentioned her name. Her eyes widened, noticing Ivan in one of bushes.

What...what are you doing here? I heard you don't need help from me?

Yeah, but yesterday I wasn't being chased by some crazy bi-

THERE YOU ARE!

Rarity was approaching very slowly, like a cat who seen trapped, feared mouse. She was breathing heavily, looking at him with fury in her eyes.

Rarity! What do you want from him? - Lara got surprised by that very unusual event.

Expression of 'diamond' mare changed amazingly fast. She even tried to improve her mane a little, smiling a little nervous.

Lara, my dear friend. I was trying to talk to that stallion. Some...serious..talk... - last words she spoken with cold voice. Colder than deepest parts of Syberia.

Lara looked at Ivan. It was his great chance. He tried to silently ask for help, begging for mercy. Wait, mercy? He was a male, he can manage everything. But before he could spoken for himself, Lara raised her hoof.

I'm sorry for my guest, Rarity, but he is from...far away. I'll teach him manners, don't be afraid.

But... - Rarity couldn't believe her own ears.

But he's exhausted. You can talk to him...later.

It was something in her voice, that even white mare couldn't tried to argue. Shaking his head and mumbling quietly, she left them alone. Ivan finally left his bush.

Thanks for that bluff.

Bluff? I wasn't bluffing. Get into home and rest. You're probably starving.

Oh, come on... - he tried to resist, but he looked at her home. Food! Without thinking, strange russian pony went into house of even stranger gardener. He was safe, for now.


End file.
